©2019 by Fern Lee Career Coaching

  • Fern Lee

Rule 3: Are you giving away your power?

Power is something we all have. If we don't realize that we have it, we give it away too easily.

We have the power to say no or yes, to what's asked of us. When someone asks something of you, they are asking you for a favor. We are under no obligation to say yes. If we do but are unhappy about it, we are giving away our power.

I always feel guilty about saying no. I feel obliged to say yes even when I don't want to because I don't want to upset anyone. But I fail to realize that the person I am upsetting is myself.

I have to remember that they are the ones asking the favor. I am under no obligation to acquiesce to their request or demand on my time and resources.

If I continue to say yes to things I don't want to do, this impacts my time and my resources. Both of which I cannot get back.

Also, it isn't only just one transaction that I am obliged to them for. Now, they have an expectation that they can ask me for the same favor just because I said yes the first time around. A favor that I am not happy to be doing.

Because I did not set boundaries or the ground rules, I send out the signal that it is okay for others to keep asking the same things of me. Or worse, more things that I am unwilling to do!

How do we prevent giving away our power then?

If something doesn't feel right, chances are it isn't for you. So if I get those gut feelings of hesitation or doubt about something that is asked of me, I pay attention to those feelings. I tell whoever is asking me for a favor that I am unsure.

How do I turn them down but without appearing rude?

I have stock phrases that I use such as --

"I am not sure how I feel about that." "I don't think that's for me."

"Let me think about it."

Use these to give yourself time to think or turn them down gently.

If the person insists on asking you again before you are ready to reply, feel free to repeat your stock phrases.

If they still can't wait for your reply or cannot take no for an answer, then saying no directly helps too. If someone doesn't understand that you aren't ready, then they are unlikely to work well with you.

Do you find yourself in situations where you are giving away your power?

How can you react differently from hereon?

Comment below or DM me privately to let me know how you deal with it. I would love to hear from you!

With gratitude!


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